It's so close!

Christmas is almost here, and this year has been building up to it. 2010 has been waiting patiently for me to see the light of Jesus. And boy, am I glad I have again. In the past couple of days, I have figured out the lesson that I was meant to learn for the first 9 and a half months of 2010. Through the bad, God still shines through. For instance, when that person told me I needed to get right with God, it was God talking to me via "burning bush"(if you will, just keep up). That person was satan, and God was teaching me that I need to be careful with whom I trust my heart. He also showed me what I do and don't want in a significant other(refer to "The Way We Were"). A lot of the false I saw in that person, satan, were actually things I seek in a person(again just stick with me). The show that was put on for me, was what I wanted. God showed me what it was like to be treated like a princess. Obviously I am no princess, but I felt special. The way I felt when things were blissful, is what I seek in a mate for daily occurrence. satan saw the burning bush as a dare for me. he never thought I was serious about reestablishing my relationship, with the Big Man Upstairs.
I meant very little to that person. I was a notch in her bedpost. Rumor has it, she's about to do the very same thing to the one for which she left. It's all good though, for me anyway. I am a different person because of 2010, my burning bush, satan, and the lessons God taught me. I am ready to start 2011, and leave 2010 in the dust. I won't start off 2011 the same way I began 2010, believe you, me.


Okay so if you got lost, and I got a little lost just typing it, here's the Reader's Digest version. I was in the desert, and God came to me in the form of a burning bush, showed me what I want, and what I don't, as well as letting me see what satan is really all about. Not only that, but He showed me how easily believable satan can be when you aren't paying attention. It's really easy to turn to satan when it seems like you're at rock bottom. But when you refuse to hit rock bottom, God is already at work. I view this a little like Harry Potter vs. Voldemort. Voldemort/satan is getting stronger in the world, and it's up to us Jesus Freaks, to fight him down. I feel like I am a stronger woman because I am back with the in crowd :D Okay, enough rambling hehe
Until next time, peace and love

Oh Lord, it's almost time!

It's almost Christmas, and it seems that people all around me are suffering loss, death, or shortcomings. My God is blessing me with health for Christmas, and I couldn't ask for more. I get to get two teeth pulled on Christmas Eve. Now that seems like a whole load of crap to some, but for me, it's a blessing. If I don't get this done, I could end up in the hospital, or not know how sick I am, and could die. I've let it go for too long and that's exactly what the dentist said to me. Not only that, I get to give to someone I never thought I could give to. I won't go into detail, because that would ruin it all. I have had a severe cold for almost a week, and I am so ready to kick it. I'm trying every old wives' tale in the book, and it's all coming out of my body, so I guess that's good, right? A friend from high school lost a child yesterday. He was maybe 3 months old. As far as everyone could tell, it was completely out of left field. He was healthy, mom was happy(just minor baby daddy drama), and then the next day, he was gone. I know God does everything for a reason, and I know it is for her to grow, but I can't even imagine what she is going through right now. I knew her when she was this happy go lucky girl, when she was down a bad road, and once she cleaned up her act for her child, and I'm so scared for her to go back down that road. So, if you could spare just a moment, and place her in your prayers, that would be the best Christmas present for her, and for her soul. I would never wish that pain on any person on this earth. Not even the people who have hurt me. I don't know how to wrap my brain around it, and it didn't even happen to me. I didn't really have much more to say other than that. I give thanks to my God, because I woke up this morning, and I pray that I get to experience the miracle of tomorrow. Until next time, peace and love.

I'll be wearing white, when I come into Your kingdom...

Hokay so:
I am back on an ebb and flow I can deal with. I dropped my phone in the toilet night before last. I have a backup phone, but couldn't find the charger to save my life. I have to wait for Christmas(at least) to get it replaced, because of the $100 deductible on my phone insurance. Anyway...

So I have a date on Sunday evening. She's a Christian and even if it doesn't end up being a relationship, I will have definitely gained a friend in Christ. I don't know what that means, other than maybe I can move on. If nothing else, someone to divert my attention. My heart is full of evil thoughts and wishes, and I so don't want that. God and I have been working on some ways to slowly release the evil without unleashing it. I'm fighting satan in a big way. But my God is bigger than satan. With His help, I, too, will be bigger than satan. She's a Christian and even if it doesn't end up being a relationship, I will have definitely gained a friend in Christ.

Okay I think that about sums it up. Until next time, peace and love

In the midst of darkness, God is my beacon.

I have had an interesting span of a week, not excluding the range of emotions to boot. I've cried quite a bit in the last week, and learned that sometimes, the touch of a stranger comforting you when you cry, can mean more than a bouquet of lilies. God is directing me, and on my path I am experiencing some really rough patches. I'm coping as best I can, and I have a great support network around me. Saturday night at a Christmas musical, I had a bit of a breakdown. I thought I was done with it, but God had a different plan. During church on Sunday, I welcomed God into me and let it out. For the first time in a very long time, Worship brought me to my knees. Through my tears, gratitude trumped questioning. Someone told me to let God drive, and just trust Him. I don't trust easily, so putting my trust in something bigger than a human, is huge for me. Little by little, I am learning to trust God. I love having that constant in my life. I can't truly complain about my life. I am incredibly blessed. If this life is good, just wait til I get to that one with Him! A friend said to me on Sunday, "I'm glad we found you." I was almost speechless, but I found the words and replied, "I'm glad y'all found me too". My witnesses keep me accountable. Okay, that's all for tonight. Until next time, peace and love

Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery.

****WARNING: I AM FEELING LYRICAL****

So, today was my second day at the credit union. AND I LOVE IT. I feel like an adult... finally. Again, it's only my second day, but I have faith it will be great! I will be great. Wanna know why? I've got God on my side.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
"Dog Days Are Over"-- Florence and the Machine

I am washing the past down the kitchen sink. I'm not going to be that girl anymore. I'm not gonna be that girl who can't stand on her own two feet because she's focused on something completely irrelevant to her own happiness. I need to regain the strength I once had, and renew it to fit my new life. I smelled a familiar smell today that made me realize that I have to do this or sink with the ship. My Momma has a similar hair product to one that she used to use. It didn't occur to me that it was the same scent until after it was in my hair. I fought tears for a couple of hours this morning. (I stayed with her for two nights for business styling purposes, oh and to spend time with her and Miss Mads). I realized by my midmorning break that I was being ridiculous. I am still being ridiculous. I know that what was, is completely unattainable. Why? Because it was a lie. I will not live a lie, no matter how good it felt. Doesn't mean I don't miss it. But then I think about reality, and it isn't so bad. She picked up her stuff, as well as the fish, on Saturday. She brought Houstan. Just to spite me. Oh well, it was just another opportunity to catch her in lies. Her foot isn't broken. Not even close.


Here's a bombshell just for you, turns out I've been lying too--"White Liar" Miranda Lambert

I told some fish tales in the beginning to test her trust. Is it right? Absolutely not. I 'fessed up to all but one, and it's funny to watch her think it poses a threat to me. Whatevvvvvvv.

Reach for the sky, cause tomorrow may never come-- "Reach for the Sky" Social Distortion

Until next time, peace and love.

New Beginnings, God is good at those, huh?

So in roughly 10 days, I begin my new job as a teller at a local credit union! I feel like without my recent negativity purge, it wouldn't have been possible. God was looking out for me, as He does, and helped me through those aorund me! I've found out who my friends are and all of those friends are helping me mold me into Meg 2.0. Each friend has a different department in developing Meg 2.0, but all are equally impotant. God has sent me each and every person I encounter each day. They also play a role, as really awesome(or at least character building) extra in this development. I am new, and improved. I am rising from my proverbial ashes, once again, and becoming a beautiful improved Phoenix. I am a daughter of God, and I am SO HAPPY that I have found Him again. That,s the wonderful thing about hide and seek with God, when you're hiding, He seeks you. When you're it, He is hidden in plain sight, just waiting for you to tag Him. I was it in this round, and because I wasn't looking, it took me awhile to tag Him. "I thank my God every time I think of you" Colossians 1:3
Until next time, peace and love

Allow Me to Shed Some Light on the Subject

   So she's moved out. My "new" apartment is starting to reflect me. My birthday is Friday and I'm stoked to celebrate without her. In the past few days I've learned truly to always trust my gut. My gut is God's way of making me pay attention. Through various channels of communication, I have received confirmation of her compulsive lies. I also have received confirmation, that she had been at least mentally cheating on me for about a month or so before we started to speak of parting ways. So she was either lying to me when I asked her about anyone else, or she doesn't consider thinking to be cheating. I believe the former. The only things I know to be the truth in our entire relationship were the things I said, and the things I experienced. Everything was a show. I don't know that I'll ever know the motives(although I have an idea) behind the act, but I can't honestly say I want to. I want her as far away from me as possible. She had said once that she wanted me to hate her. I'm close but still not there. Disappointed, sad, filled with disdain? Yeah but not hate. I refuse to hate anyone because a heart filled with hate is a heart doomed for hell. I know where I'm going and I'm doing what I can to stay on the path to Heaven. I pray for soul's sake, she gets back on that path. 
   Because I'm focused back on myself and my walk with God, life is liveable again. I like life again. I definitely like that feeling. Until next time, peace and love