I'm over this feeling...

Days like these are
Why I cry
Why I laugh
Why I scream
Why I mourn
Why I yearn
Why I desire
Why I pray
Why I curse
Why I smile
Why I grimace
Why I sing
Why I dance
Why I celebrate
Why I bleed
Why I breathe
Why I sleep
Why I live.

I can't seem to break this cycle. I have forgiven, yet I have not forgotten. I still seem to push your sins to the back burner. "It's the past", I tell myself. "You've changed", I say. Sure, it angers me, but you seem to creep back into my life ever so often, and I almost feel mended. That is, of course, until I remember that you aren't super glue, but Elmer's and will wash away with my tears. You are quicksand, and I seem to sink no matter what you do. I miss my dream. I miss what was supposed to be real. I thought I had escaped your fantasy world. Apparently, when I'm not looking, you find your doorway back into my life, and you don't even know it.


I'm just in a weird mental state, don't mind my ramblings.


Until next time, peace and love

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Peace Out.

I haven't seen you since that day. I haven't heard your voice. I think about it less, and less as time goes on. You didn't pause for my feelings. You always were good at that. The spotlight was always yours, and I was just a stage hand. You saw what she did to us, and we came out on the other side, but not for long. You knew everything there was to know. You didn't pause for my opinion, for it was always yours that mattered. It feels like a charade, the 5 years. Like I was your stepping stone to your next adventure. I protect my own, and you decided to take that away from me. I learned my place in your life. And with a fell swoop, I learned that my place was to be from the outside looking in. I was never meant to be your life long best friend, it seems. I'm glad you're happy. I hate that it came to this, but it gave me a chance to see what I really had. Consistency was not something I received. I hope for your sake, that this was your practice round, and that I was your crash test dummy. I pray that you are not doing to someone else, what you've done to me. The way that one girl acts, and it makes you cringe? You are her. That's why it makes you so mad. You are the same person. Social media and phones work two ways. If you really wanted me to be in your life, you would have contacted me. Whatever. Live your life! Do you. You know where to find me. Til then, have a good life.



Best friends means I pulled the trigger 
Best friends means you get what you deserve 

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.