I'm signing life insurance forms. I am filling out health/dental enrollment forms. I am naming beneficiaries for my affairs. I'm reevaluating my tax withholdings. I am drafting a will, because I have no dependents. SMH. I don't recall this happening. I don't recall the change. If I were ever a thumb sucker, I'd curl up with my blankie and my thumb and not face the world. However, I have not ever sucked my thumb and my blankie is LONG gone. So, I will just make myself a cocktail, sit in my very own apartment, and wonder, where did it all go, and where will my future take me. Sometimes you just need to get a recharge, and I am so excited for mine. Lookout Mountain, here I come! Well, as soon as Saturday gets here.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Ok, No More Angry Blogs.
Maybe some Angry Birds, but no more angry blogs. Well, no more once a week posts that are angry. I have actually had a decent week, or so, and I've been feeling quite a bit better. I still have my downs, but it wouldn't be life without them. I have been praying a lot about closure. Complete and utter fire proof safe closure. I have been getting subtle answers. Well, to me they are subtle, because I'm still learning how to hear His voice over the others in my head. He's been showing me the mistakes I made, and the things I did right. I had a realization, like just now, as to why I fell SO hard. I grew to love her, but in the beginning, it was the fear of being alone.
I must admit it's been fun
But that's no reason to jump the gun
If this is real time will tell
So let me bite my tongue and remind myself
So don't say that word
Not the one we both heard too much
You may think you do but you don't
It's just the fear of being alone--"The Fear of Being Alone" Reba McEntire
If that song would have been in my head in January 2010, I would have never dropped the "L" bomb. Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. They moved out a LONG time ago. However, I realize that mistake and I know, now, how to not make that mistake again. Live and learn, right?
I learned that because I am terrified of being alone forever, I am gullible enough to believe anyone that will promise me the world. No matter how big the lie is. That doesn't sound very strong to me, does it to you? I know that with God, I will never be alone, but companionship is always awesome :). I need to build my foundation with Him before I try to build a house. A house built on sand will never stand, right? So why would I waste the materials without a foundation----AGAIN?
I have learned that in this life, absolutely nothing is static aside from death, taxes, and above all, God. So I know that these ebbs and flows will subside. I also know that ANYTHING could change in the blink of an eye. So for now, I am giving it to God, and being a sheep. As a wise woman told me, I'm hanging it on God, and telling Him to take control. I'm not challenging Him, because I have made that mistake too many times before.
I told you I'd be more positive :)
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
I must admit it's been fun
But that's no reason to jump the gun
If this is real time will tell
So let me bite my tongue and remind myself
So don't say that word
Not the one we both heard too much
You may think you do but you don't
It's just the fear of being alone--"The Fear of Being Alone" Reba McEntire
If that song would have been in my head in January 2010, I would have never dropped the "L" bomb. Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. They moved out a LONG time ago. However, I realize that mistake and I know, now, how to not make that mistake again. Live and learn, right?
I learned that because I am terrified of being alone forever, I am gullible enough to believe anyone that will promise me the world. No matter how big the lie is. That doesn't sound very strong to me, does it to you? I know that with God, I will never be alone, but companionship is always awesome :). I need to build my foundation with Him before I try to build a house. A house built on sand will never stand, right? So why would I waste the materials without a foundation----AGAIN?
I have learned that in this life, absolutely nothing is static aside from death, taxes, and above all, God. So I know that these ebbs and flows will subside. I also know that ANYTHING could change in the blink of an eye. So for now, I am giving it to God, and being a sheep. As a wise woman told me, I'm hanging it on God, and telling Him to take control. I'm not challenging Him, because I have made that mistake too many times before.
I told you I'd be more positive :)
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I'm Doin' Alright, For The Shape I'm In
So, I have this irritant. It's one of those things that gets under my skin. That thing is judgment, and frankly I'm sick of it.
Point: My actions have no right in your mouth to come out as judgment. I don't care how you believe, in each doctrine, faith, creed, whatever, they teach you to not judge(as far as I am concerned). It's a commandment in Christianity and I realize that I, too, am guilty of this, but I am actively working on it. Not that it's any of your business, thank you very much. I understand the need to look at someone you care about and say, "Wow you're gonna regret that", or "Wow, I wish you wouldn't do that". What I do, is between me, and my Creator. Just because I make it known, does NOT mean that you can say whatever you want to me. I don't really care who you are to me. If I want your opinion, I will ask. That makes me sound like a bitch, but you know what, it's the truth. If I come to you trying to(as I put it) "bounce some ideas off of you", then that is when you are permitted to tell me how you feel. I am sick and tired of being criticized for MY LIFE. I am an adult, although I sound like a pissy teenager right now, and I need to make my own way. No, I have no idea what I'm doing, but neither did you at my age, and if I want to know about how you got through it, I will ask.
I realize I am 22, and stupid, because if a 22 year old isn't making stupid decisions, said young adult isn't living in reality. With that being said, the only thing that is helping me keep my head, is the Serenity Prayer. If you don't know it, here it is, and say it with me:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Point: My actions have no right in your mouth to come out as judgment. I don't care how you believe, in each doctrine, faith, creed, whatever, they teach you to not judge(as far as I am concerned). It's a commandment in Christianity and I realize that I, too, am guilty of this, but I am actively working on it. Not that it's any of your business, thank you very much. I understand the need to look at someone you care about and say, "Wow you're gonna regret that", or "Wow, I wish you wouldn't do that". What I do, is between me, and my Creator. Just because I make it known, does NOT mean that you can say whatever you want to me. I don't really care who you are to me. If I want your opinion, I will ask. That makes me sound like a bitch, but you know what, it's the truth. If I come to you trying to(as I put it) "bounce some ideas off of you", then that is when you are permitted to tell me how you feel. I am sick and tired of being criticized for MY LIFE. I am an adult, although I sound like a pissy teenager right now, and I need to make my own way. No, I have no idea what I'm doing, but neither did you at my age, and if I want to know about how you got through it, I will ask.
I realize I am 22, and stupid, because if a 22 year old isn't making stupid decisions, said young adult isn't living in reality. With that being said, the only thing that is helping me keep my head, is the Serenity Prayer. If you don't know it, here it is, and say it with me:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Couple of the Aformentioned Tines
How do you know what is right? How do you know what is wrong? Our parents(most anyway) teach us from the beginning of how to know right from wrong. Regardless of religion, faith, creed, race, or nationality, we're all taught morals. I judge right and wrong, by feeling. Some people, say that doing what "feels right" is a sin. There's a difference between feeling good, and feeling right. Sometimes, they combine, and it's a terrific emotion.
Something that stops me dead in my tracks, is when someone tells me I am wrong, or rather, my actions are wrong. What is right for me, may not be right for you, but just as I respect your right to follow your morals, you should also respect mine. I don't have to agree with you, and you don't have to agree with me. You just have to accept the fact that I, too, have free will.
Another thing, is that I realize that satan uses scripture to justify sins. There's a difference in justifying, and defending. I have used scripture for justification before, but now, I use it for comfort, inspiration, and defense.
I have a battle raging in my head right now, that has been a moot point for 5 years. I wonder if I'm letting it get the best of me, or if maybe, just maybe, I really could be wrong. If you know me AT ALL, that last sentence was very difficult to type.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Something that stops me dead in my tracks, is when someone tells me I am wrong, or rather, my actions are wrong. What is right for me, may not be right for you, but just as I respect your right to follow your morals, you should also respect mine. I don't have to agree with you, and you don't have to agree with me. You just have to accept the fact that I, too, have free will.
Another thing, is that I realize that satan uses scripture to justify sins. There's a difference in justifying, and defending. I have used scripture for justification before, but now, I use it for comfort, inspiration, and defense.
I have a battle raging in my head right now, that has been a moot point for 5 years. I wonder if I'm letting it get the best of me, or if maybe, just maybe, I really could be wrong. If you know me AT ALL, that last sentence was very difficult to type.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Proverbial Fork in the Road
So, I've been slacking on my blogging, and my psyche is telling me all about it. By the time I got to church this morning, I was so up in my head that God spoke to me in a way that I don't like to hear His voice. He informed me that although I knew why I was supposed to be there, that was not my reasoning for being there. In His stern, parental, voice, He told me to get my reasoning right, or go back home. I have been ebbing and flowing this week like none other, and instead of facing it, I've been quieting the voices in my head. I have reached the proverbial fork in the road, and as I told Momma² this morning, it feels more like a rake, with so many tines, that I can't seem to figure out which one I want.
I don't like getting angry. Yes, it feels good to release the frustration, but I turn into a monster. If you know me at all, that monster has a name. She is an ugly soul. I don't like when she takes over. I found her too many times in the last week. Rather, she has found me, and I have let her in. Once God told me to get out of my head, I realized that she had reared her ugly head, and with that, I had made extremely poor decisions.
So, when the choir was leaving the sanctuary, God moved my body to look at my phone. Momma² noticed I wasn't me, so she texted me and asked if she needed to come and sit with me. I have learned recently, when help is offered, you take it. So I told her, yes. It was just what the doctor ordered. I needed a good ol' Momma² hug.
I am running fast, away from something, instead of facing it head on. Problem is, I don't know what I'm running from. More to the point, I don't know which tine to face head on, first.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
I don't like getting angry. Yes, it feels good to release the frustration, but I turn into a monster. If you know me at all, that monster has a name. She is an ugly soul. I don't like when she takes over. I found her too many times in the last week. Rather, she has found me, and I have let her in. Once God told me to get out of my head, I realized that she had reared her ugly head, and with that, I had made extremely poor decisions.
So, when the choir was leaving the sanctuary, God moved my body to look at my phone. Momma² noticed I wasn't me, so she texted me and asked if she needed to come and sit with me. I have learned recently, when help is offered, you take it. So I told her, yes. It was just what the doctor ordered. I needed a good ol' Momma² hug.
I am running fast, away from something, instead of facing it head on. Problem is, I don't know what I'm running from. More to the point, I don't know which tine to face head on, first.
Until next time, peace and love
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
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