Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery.

****WARNING: I AM FEELING LYRICAL****

So, today was my second day at the credit union. AND I LOVE IT. I feel like an adult... finally. Again, it's only my second day, but I have faith it will be great! I will be great. Wanna know why? I've got God on my side.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
"Dog Days Are Over"-- Florence and the Machine

I am washing the past down the kitchen sink. I'm not going to be that girl anymore. I'm not gonna be that girl who can't stand on her own two feet because she's focused on something completely irrelevant to her own happiness. I need to regain the strength I once had, and renew it to fit my new life. I smelled a familiar smell today that made me realize that I have to do this or sink with the ship. My Momma has a similar hair product to one that she used to use. It didn't occur to me that it was the same scent until after it was in my hair. I fought tears for a couple of hours this morning. (I stayed with her for two nights for business styling purposes, oh and to spend time with her and Miss Mads). I realized by my midmorning break that I was being ridiculous. I am still being ridiculous. I know that what was, is completely unattainable. Why? Because it was a lie. I will not live a lie, no matter how good it felt. Doesn't mean I don't miss it. But then I think about reality, and it isn't so bad. She picked up her stuff, as well as the fish, on Saturday. She brought Houstan. Just to spite me. Oh well, it was just another opportunity to catch her in lies. Her foot isn't broken. Not even close.


Here's a bombshell just for you, turns out I've been lying too--"White Liar" Miranda Lambert

I told some fish tales in the beginning to test her trust. Is it right? Absolutely not. I 'fessed up to all but one, and it's funny to watch her think it poses a threat to me. Whatevvvvvvv.

Reach for the sky, cause tomorrow may never come-- "Reach for the Sky" Social Distortion

Until next time, peace and love.

New Beginnings, God is good at those, huh?

So in roughly 10 days, I begin my new job as a teller at a local credit union! I feel like without my recent negativity purge, it wouldn't have been possible. God was looking out for me, as He does, and helped me through those aorund me! I've found out who my friends are and all of those friends are helping me mold me into Meg 2.0. Each friend has a different department in developing Meg 2.0, but all are equally impotant. God has sent me each and every person I encounter each day. They also play a role, as really awesome(or at least character building) extra in this development. I am new, and improved. I am rising from my proverbial ashes, once again, and becoming a beautiful improved Phoenix. I am a daughter of God, and I am SO HAPPY that I have found Him again. That,s the wonderful thing about hide and seek with God, when you're hiding, He seeks you. When you're it, He is hidden in plain sight, just waiting for you to tag Him. I was it in this round, and because I wasn't looking, it took me awhile to tag Him. "I thank my God every time I think of you" Colossians 1:3
Until next time, peace and love

Allow Me to Shed Some Light on the Subject

   So she's moved out. My "new" apartment is starting to reflect me. My birthday is Friday and I'm stoked to celebrate without her. In the past few days I've learned truly to always trust my gut. My gut is God's way of making me pay attention. Through various channels of communication, I have received confirmation of her compulsive lies. I also have received confirmation, that she had been at least mentally cheating on me for about a month or so before we started to speak of parting ways. So she was either lying to me when I asked her about anyone else, or she doesn't consider thinking to be cheating. I believe the former. The only things I know to be the truth in our entire relationship were the things I said, and the things I experienced. Everything was a show. I don't know that I'll ever know the motives(although I have an idea) behind the act, but I can't honestly say I want to. I want her as far away from me as possible. She had said once that she wanted me to hate her. I'm close but still not there. Disappointed, sad, filled with disdain? Yeah but not hate. I refuse to hate anyone because a heart filled with hate is a heart doomed for hell. I know where I'm going and I'm doing what I can to stay on the path to Heaven. I pray for soul's sake, she gets back on that path. 
   Because I'm focused back on myself and my walk with God, life is liveable again. I like life again. I definitely like that feeling. Until next time, peace and love

Facebook Relationship Statuses

So she officially changed hers to single, after I had, and after she had erased me from her page. All of her friends are curious to know what's going on. "no more Megra?" was one of the comments. Nobody can seem to believe it. Join the club, because neither can I, but I have to. This is my reality. It's just hard to accept most days.

Time to Wax Poetic

There's a place in my heart
Where seldom go
It's bright and shiny,
It's full of love and joy.
A place that warm
When I walk into a room.
There are those who have seen it,
But have never been there.
There is a place for those allowed in.
They inhabit this chamber forever.
I can try, but can never evict.
It kills me slowly each day.

There is a place in my heart
Where seldom go.
It's dark and matte.
It's full of anger and pain.
A place that chills
When I walk into a room.
There are those who have seen it,
But have never been there.
There is a place for those sucked in,
They inhabit against their will.
I try so hard to evict, to no avail.
I cannot evict myself.


Okay so a little weird, right? But this is a small insight into the roller coaster in my head. This is also an insight to the spectrum on which I waver from moment to moment. Stay tuned for more insights as I learn them.
Until next time, peace and love

The Diagnosis

I have officially been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. For more information, as to clinical information, visit Mayo Clinic on Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm still learning exactly what this means to me, but I am ready to take that challenge head on. I do know a little about how it affects me, in that I am an intense person, in case you didn't know. I throw myself into everysinglestinkingthing that I want to do. If I don't want to do it, I half-a*s it or I just simply don't give even enough for someone to think I care. I am extremely spontaneous and sometimes that gets me into trouble. If I am completely into something, or someone, I find it very hard to let it, them, go. I have to make me better, because no one else can do it for me. I know that one day I will be more than okay with me and that I will be happy with me. I will also know how to keep myself on track and not veer off into the dark again. Then, and only then, will I be ready for a relationship. I hope that my actions are not the reason she never reconsiders me. I am hoping and praying to my Beautiful One, that I will find my actual happy ending.
Until next time, peace and love.