So, we are now on a break. We've been fighting constantly for about three weeks and it's taken its toll on both of us. I'm emotionally drained from it all and so is she. I have faith that she will be able to come back, happier and healthier, but I'm preparing for the opposite. That is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because I thought we had been building a life together, but recently, it seems we haven't. I have been, but she hasn't. I love her more than I understand, and I am so deeply in love with her. I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to break up. I know the last 9 months have been real. I know that she, up until recently, been completely real and up front. I have faith that she and I will be what I've imagined we will be, but right now, I don't know that she does--because she says she doesn't know. I have to return to reality tomorrow and I'm scared. Mainly because I will be fielding questions as to the whereabouts of my promise ring that I have worn on my left ring finger since February. I want to curl up in the corner and make it all stop because then maybe it wouldn't be real and this is all just a bad nightmare. However, the pain in my chest says it isn't. The piece of my heart that is missing right now says it's real. Her cold side of the bed says it's real. The fact that when I tell her I love her, and she doesn't say it back, scares the shit out of me.
I have been crying for days off and on. I am emotionally hungover and I don't know how I can snap out of it. I'm having trouble keeping food down as well as convincing myself to eat. I've drank more than I usually do recently, but I am careful to keep my head. I need a miracle right now. I want my Knight In Shining Armor back.
No comments:
Post a Comment